


CONV1CT1ON

by caledfwlchthat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Can Town, Courtblock Drama, Gallows Humor, Gen, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:14:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6962152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caledfwlchthat/pseuds/caledfwlchthat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her Draconian Justice, District Prosecutor Terezi Pyrope brings a notorious criminal to the courtblock, but Kanaya intercedes on his behalf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	CONV1CT1ON

**Author's Note:**

> Adapted from a Terezi VA intro I wrote (hsvoiceacting, now defunct). Qualifying work for Ladystuck Remix Challenge 2016.

TEREZI: MOST 3XC3LL3NT C1T1Z3NS OF C4NTOWN  
TEREZI: LORD M4YOR  
TEREZI: 1 COM3 H3R3 B3FOR3 YOU TOD4Y TO 3X3CUT3 MY DUT13S 1N S3RV1C3 OF TH3 PUBL1C 1NT3R3ST 4S D1STR1CT L3G1SL4C3R4TOR, TO UPHOLD JUST1C3 4ND TO SM1T3 WRONGDO1NG WH3R3V3R 1T M4Y B3 FOUND  
TEREZI: SP3C1F1C4LLY, TOD4Y 1T H4S B33N FOUND 1N TH1S B4S3, SN1V3L1NG B31NG 1 H4V3 BROUGHT B3FOR3 YOU, C4UGHT R41NBOW-T4LON3D 1N TH3 H31NOUS 4CT OF P4RK1NG H1S SCUTTL3BUGGY B3FOR3 C1TY H4LL W1THOUT 4 V4L1D P3RM1T  
TEREZI: MY B3ST HOP3 FOR US 4LL 1S TO TR34T H1M TO 4 SP33DY CROSS-3X4M1N4T1ON 4ND 4N 3V3N SP33D13R JUDGM3NT 4T YOUR H4NDS  
TEREZI: 4 SP33DY TR14L, HOW3V3R, SHOULD NOT B3 4 RUSH3D ON3!  
TEREZI: L3T US P4US3 4 MOM3NT TO R3G4RD TH1S M1SCR34NT W1TH TH3 CONT3MPT H3 D3S3RV3S  
TEREZI: ...  
TEREZI: NOW TH3N, D3PUTY SUBCL3RK B3RRYBOTTOM  
TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: DO YOU H4V3  
TEREZI: TO S4Y FOR YOURS3LF  
BERRYBOT.: [squeak]  
TEREZI: WH4T? YOU D3NY TH3 4CCUS4T1ONS?  
TEREZI: HOW C4N YOU ST4ND TO SP34K SUCH F1LTHY F4LS3HOODS W1TH1N TH3S3 H4LLOW3D H4LLS?!  
TEREZI: W3 H4V3 NO F3W3R THAN THR33 S3P4R4T3 W1TN3SS3S WHO OBS3RV3D YOU FR4NT1C4LLY TRY1NG TO MOV3 TH3 CONV3Y4NC3 4T TH3 L4ST STROK3 OF TH3 T1M3K33P1NG M3CH4N1SM  
BERRYBOT.: [squeak!]  
TEREZI: 1 SUBM1T TO TH3 COURT 3XH1B1T 4  
TEREZI: 4N 4RT1ST'S 1MPR3SS1ON OF YOUR V3H1CL3, H4LT3D 1MP3RT1N3NTLY 1N TH3 H4LT-FR33 ZON3, W1TH 1TS FRONT BUMP3R 4 G3N3ROUS 41.3 MM B3YOND TH3 M4RK OF 4VO1D4NC3, 4ND 1TS L1C3NS3 PL4C4RD CL34RLY L1CK4BL3  
TEREZI: W1LL YOU Y3T D3NY 1T 1S YOURS?  
BERRYBOT.: [squeakasqueakasqueaka]  
TEREZI: V3RY W3LL. 1F YOU R3M41N SO OBST1N4T3, L3T M3 PRODUC3, FOR TH3 B3N3F1T OF THOS3 4SS3MBL3D, 3XH1B1T B  
TEREZI: TH3 H34D OF YOUR FOUL 4CCOMPL1C3, STRUCK DOWN WH1L3 V1OL3NTLY R3S1ST1NG 4RR3ST, 4ND SP1TT3D UPON ST4BSK3W3RS FOR DISPL4Y TO TH3 COMPL4C3NT!!!  
TEREZI: DO YOU D3NY YOU KNOW TH1S F4C3? DO YOU?!?!  
BERRYBOT.: [sq... sq... squEEEEEk]  
TEREZI: OH, B3RRYBOTTOM  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD 3XP3CT NO L3SS OF YOU TH4N TO TRY TO CH4NG3 TH3 SUBJ3CT  
TEREZI: WH1L3 YOUR S3RV1C3 1N C4NTOWN PUBL1C R3CORDS, CH1CKP34 D1V1S1ON, W4S 4D3QU4T3, YOUR R3CORD W4S NOT SO ST3LL4R 4S TO 4LLOW TH3 COURT TO  
TEREZI: _COMMUT3_  
TEREZI: YOUR S3NT3NC3 FOR 4 CR1M3 OF TH1S M4GN1TUD3  
BERRYBOT.: [SQUEEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK]  
TEREZI: 3V3N MOR3 3GR3G1OUS! MY ROL3 4S L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 1S TO PROS3CUT3 V1OL4T1ONS OF TH3 L4W 4S 1T 1S WR1TT3N, NOT 4S YOU F33L 1T SHOULD B3 WR1TT3N!  
TEREZI: L3T M3 4SSUR3 TH3 4SS3MBLY TH4T 4NY 3ST1M4T3D LOSS OF P4RK1NG C1T4T1ON R3V3NU3 DU3 TO PROS3CUT1ON OF YOU 4ND YOUR 4CCOMPL1C3 L13S SQU4R3LY W1TH1N TH3 PURV3Y OF TH3 TR34SURY 4ND 4PPROPR14T1ONS COMM1TT33!!!  
TEREZI: YOU H4V3 NO CHO1C3  
TEREZI: BUT TO 4NSW3R FOR TH3 CH4RG3S 4S L3V3L3D  
BERRYBOT.: ...  
TEREZI: 1 C4N ST4ND 1T NO LONG3R  
TEREZI: FL4YSQU4D, T4K3 TH1S F3CKL3SS SQU34LB34ST OUT OF TH1S COURTBLOCK, BEYOND TH3 R4NG3 OF MY NOS3, 4ND TOW4RDS H1S DOOM  
KANAYA: Um  
TEREZI: M4Y 1 R3COMM3ND TH3 M4X1MUM P3N4LTY 4LLOW3D BY L4W FOR TH1S OFF3NS3  
KANAYA: Terezi  
TEREZI: N4M3LY  
TEREZI: *D34TH*  
BERRYBOT.: [SQUEEK SQUEEK SQUEEK]  
KANAYA: Alternia To Terezi  
KANAYA: Come In Terezi  
TEREZI: YOU W1LL 4DDR3SS M3 4S H3R DR4CONIAN JUST1CE, D1STR1CT PROS3CUTOR PYROP3, C1T1Z3N  
KANAYA: ...  
TEREZI: OR 1 W1LL HOLD YOU 1N CONT3MPT OF COURT  
KANAYA: (Oh Very Well)  
KANAYA: Begging Pardon Your Draconicity  
KANAYA: If I May Make An Argument In Defense Of The Accused  
TEREZI: WH4T  
TEREZI: TH1S 1S H1GHLY 1RR3GUL4R  
TEREZI: NO W1TN3SS3S 4R3 P3RM1TT3D 4T TR14L  
TEREZI: 3XC3PT THOS3 C4LL3D BY TH3 L3GISL4C3R4TOR H3RS3LF  
TEREZI: HOW3V3R  
TEREZI: 1F YOU H4V3 1MPORT4NT N3W 3V1D3NC3 TO B34R UPON TH3 4CCUS3D  
TEREZI: 1T M4Y Y3T 4FF3CT TH3 N4TUR3 OF S3NT3NC1NG  
TEREZI: 1N P4RT1CUL4R, HOW P41NFUL 4ND L3NGTHY 1T 1S  
KANAYA: I Am Afraid I Have No Additional Information To Bear On The Nature Of The Actions Of The Accused  
KANAYA: He Is Clearly Guilty  
KANAYA: As Your Draconicity Surmises  
TEREZI: H3H3H3  
TEREZI: 1NDUB1T4BLY  
KANAYA: My Reasoning Relates More To The Broader Impact On The Polity Of The Justice To Be Meted Out This Afternoon  
KANAYA: While He May Well Deserve Death  
KANAYA: May I Recommend He Be Publicly Hanged Or Poisoned  
KANAYA: Rather Than Dismembered  
KANAYA: As Has Been Customary Following Recent Trials In This Courtblock  
TEREZI: BUT WH4T W1LL D3T3R S1M1LAR M1SCR34NTS FROM D1SRUPT1NG TH3 S4NCT1TY OF OFF1C14L V3H1CL3 STOR4G3 SP4C3S  
TEREZI: MOR3 3FF3CT1V3LY TH4N TH3 S3V3R3D BODY P4RTS OF THOS3 WHO TR13D  
TEREZI: 4ND F41L3D  
KANAYA: While It Is Well Understood That Gruesome And Visible Punishment Can Effectively Deter A Wide Array Of Criminal Offences  
KANAYA: May I Humbly Suggest That Your Draconicity Consult With His Excellency The Lord Mayor Regarding The Public Health Costs  
KANAYA: Decaying Limbs And Organs Are Liable To Attract Vermin  
KANAYA: And Could Be More Profitably Used As Donor Parts To Save Lives  
KANAYA: Speaking In My Capacity As Surgeon General Of Can Town  
KANAYA: I Should Add That The Integrity Of The Parts Will Be Better Assured  
KANAYA: By Preserving The Whole  
KANAYA: A Public Execution Should Retain Most Of The Deterrent Effect You Seek  
KANAYA: Even If Less Than The Expected Amount Of Blood Is Spilled  
TEREZI: HMMMM  
TEREZI: 4 COG3NT, 1F DULL, CR1T1QU3  
KANAYA: (Ive Lost Count Of The Number Of Times Ive Dutifully Sewn What Was Left Of Your Defendants Back Together)  
KANAYA: (It Is Time I Drew A Straight Trajectory In The Granular Beachsoil)  
TEREZI: L3T TH3 LORD M4YOR 4ND 1 CONF3R  
TEREZI: W3 SH4LL 4DJOURN FOR 4 SHORT R3C3SS B3FOR3 S3NT3NC3 1S P4SS3D  
TEREZI: R3FR3SHM3NTS W1LL B3 S3RV3D  



End file.
